and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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