i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
either way he was missing a nipple.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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