Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
