FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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