I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
