he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
