Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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