Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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