PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
