i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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