They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
