naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
