he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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