the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
