Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
