Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
