My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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