Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
