dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
