Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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