I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
