My friends, they love my intelligence
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize