Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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