I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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