Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
