I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
