Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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