i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
