You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
