I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
