So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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