Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
