I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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