My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
