But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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