Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
