U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
