Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
