Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
