i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
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i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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