On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
