The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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