He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
