eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
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you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
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Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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