In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
