I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
