Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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