Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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