I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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