and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
