i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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