OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
