you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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