dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I FOUND THE LEGS
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
