I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
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she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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