about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Everyone says I win the strip club
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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