Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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