I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I checked into jail on foursquare
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
