Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
