Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
