i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
