she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
