I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I will pee on everything he values.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
