Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
