i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize