I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
