I wish I could punch you in the face.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
