I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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