I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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