I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Randomize
