I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
