i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
