omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
