After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...