Texts From Last Night

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  (713): View more from Texas

  my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.

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  (713): my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute. http://tfl.nu/ldey
  Replies (12) Good night (2693) Bad night (718)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.

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  (763): i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately. http://tfl.nu/s9fu
  Replies (17) Good night (965) Bad night (4896)
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  (310): View more from California

  My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.

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  (310): My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in. http://tfl.nu/bth8
  Replies (14) Good night (1287) Bad night (2840)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.

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  (512): We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos. http://tfl.nu/fazf
  Replies (6) Good night (2628) Bad night (1876)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...

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  (305): woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"... http://tfl.nu/ev8f
  Replies (5) Good night (3772) Bad night (1246)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.

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  (780): We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150. http://tfl.nu/ontt
  Replies (20) Good night (1967) Bad night (2691)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.

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  (540): She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic. http://tfl.nu/cwdw
  Replies (10) Good night (3735) Bad night (1003)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?

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  (801): I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right? http://tfl.nu/y4tp
  Replies (5) Good night (1651) Bad night (1140)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again

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  (571): you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again http://tfl.nu/ac3x
  Replies (5) Good night (3209) Bad night (1211)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.

  (904): View more from Florida

  So when does your new flight leave?

  (734): View more from Michigan

  At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying

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  (734): Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight. (904): So when does your new flight leave? (734): At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying http://tfl.nu/33le
  Replies (8) Good night (1994) Bad night (716)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice

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  (920): I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice http://tfl.nu/vmg8
  Replies (5) Good night (931) Bad night (657)
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  (587): View more from Alberta

  Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?

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  (587): Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature? http://tfl.nu/gy0w
  Replies (7) Good night (1376) Bad night (474)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?

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  (859): it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone? http://tfl.nu/jw1z
  Replies (7) Good night (833) Bad night (521)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.

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  (715): I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class. http://tfl.nu/rdgm
  Replies (4) Good night (377) Bad night (577)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.

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  (512): This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE. http://tfl.nu/0zgc
  Replies (3) Good night (525) Bad night (187)

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