I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
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our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
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Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.