When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.