oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!