i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
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He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
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Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for