I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
