Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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