it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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