you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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