Will you blow on my dice?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
